Please, be nice! What would you do?

Soon to be ex-husband has a married girlfriend. Her husband is threatening to get mine thrown out of the Military. He has contacted me 2 times since he found out. I am not divorcing because of this girlfriend; it is because of all of the others and emotional abuse. I have basically begged the other husband to keep in mind that if my husband does get kicked out he will lose his retirement, which in turn so will I. I really need that money to help with my children. Their dad is a real jerk and does not chip in. Feels his child support is enough. In fact, when he brings them home he tells me what he bought and wants to take half of those expenses from my child support check. I really want the two cheaters to get their rear-ends nailed to the wall, but I don't want to jeopardize the kids financially, or myself. I am willing to work 2 jobs, but my kids need me home as much as possible. They are girls, ages 15 and 9. A real mess here. If this doesn't make sense, please ask for clarification. I'm so at a loss right now. Thanks for your thoughts.